I know planned to reveal the infamous Mabel Incident in my last post, unfortunately my informant Gellar and I were forced to go underground for the last three years. Fortunately, we managed to capture one of the Harvest Team operatives who were sent to silence us, a man called Edward Snowden, and reprogram him to believe he was a muckraker against the NSA.
Seriously, people? The government surveying everyone on the internet? Let's focus on reality, shall we?
And that is, of course, the cover-up of the walking dead. And that, not the Mabel Incident, is going to be the subject of our attempts to save humanity from the revenant menace tonight.
Neil deGrasse Tyson spoke tonight on John Stewart's The Daily Show, trying to convince people that the undead menace is a scientific impossibility.
Neil deGrasse Tyson is not the man you all think he is. Gellar knows him very well.
The real Neil deGrasse Tyson was killed by a Mossad assassin on Febuary 18th, 2004. The Mossad's motives are so far unknown by my informant, but the government, namely Harvest Team, saw an opportunity. Using sophisticated body grafting procedures patented by DARPA, they took one of their top intelligence operatives, former NFL player James Parrish, and turned him into a perfect body double of Mister deGrasse Tyson.
The purpose of this was two-fold: One, to create science-based news stories to distract the press from revenent incidents (The "Pluto isn't a Planet" thing? That was to distract from an infestation in Saitama, Japan), and to use his status to promote funding from NASA (said funding would, through a complicated series of riders and amendments, go to Harvest Team).
Knowing that we were about to re-emerge from our radio silence, they sent Neil on the Daily Show to try to call revenants pure fiction, to try to discredit us pre-emptively. And also to make people look the other way while a particularly large equipment cache was sent to Area 51. We don't know exactly what's in the cache (yet), but we'll look into it.
James, we saw. We know. We will not stop telling people the truth.
NEXT: The Mabel Incident
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
The Great Chicago Fire- What Really Happened
On Sunday, October 8th, 1871, a fire raged in a ten square kilometer area of Chicago, Illinois for two days, killing hundreds. This tragedy's origin is unknown to this day... or so the government would like you to believe.
The truth is, the fire only lasted for about ten hours, and nobody actually died from the fire itself. What really happened was one of the first documented (in government files, that is) case of a revenant infestation in the United States.
On that eve of October 8th, a minister named Gabriel DeLacroix attacked several of his flock in an evening mass, biting them in the throat and causing other fatal injuries to their persons. DeLacroix had passed away that afternoon after a 'ragged individual' accosted him the night before, and the local constable shot the miscreant in the head. DeLacroix of course did not understand that his fever was a direct cause of the man's bite to his forearm. A deacon of his had taken his place at the mass, and was the first victim of the feeding frenzy.
Hours after the undead man of the cloth had bitten his flock, the group of about twenty undead swarmed the streets of Chicago, attacking people who had still been out and about enjoying the day of rest. Over the next day a local detachment of the army, some of whom barely old enough to have served in the Civil War's ending days, was asked to quell the riot. Half of them fell as well, as it took them far too long to understand that only shots to the brain would stop the ghouls. Some of those who fell in turn attacked their comrades. Of the thirty-two soldiers who volunteered to stop the riot, four survived, and set fire to the bodies to ensure that the "demon within" would never harm another soul.
Then-President Ulysses S. Grant made a secret visit to Chicago after he received word of the incident (the exact date of this visit is unknown). After speaking to officials, Grant ordered that the entire incident be blamed on the fire. Newspapers nationwide would obey this order, and Chicagoans, more willing to believe that than the horrible truth. accepted it as reality as well.
A recently unearthed diary from the national archives notes that Grant believed "the nation must never know, else we end with a war far more horrible" than the one he led the Union into victory of. Interestingly enough, he prophesized the formation of Harvest Team: "Within ten decades, the army shall likely have a force to keep tragedies like Chicago from happening again."
Little did Grant know that it would take an incident whose cover-up was even more astoshining for this to come to pass.
NEXT:The Mabel Incident We're Back, And Niel deGrasse Tyson Is Not What He Seems
The truth is, the fire only lasted for about ten hours, and nobody actually died from the fire itself. What really happened was one of the first documented (in government files, that is) case of a revenant infestation in the United States.
On that eve of October 8th, a minister named Gabriel DeLacroix attacked several of his flock in an evening mass, biting them in the throat and causing other fatal injuries to their persons. DeLacroix had passed away that afternoon after a 'ragged individual' accosted him the night before, and the local constable shot the miscreant in the head. DeLacroix of course did not understand that his fever was a direct cause of the man's bite to his forearm. A deacon of his had taken his place at the mass, and was the first victim of the feeding frenzy.
Hours after the undead man of the cloth had bitten his flock, the group of about twenty undead swarmed the streets of Chicago, attacking people who had still been out and about enjoying the day of rest. Over the next day a local detachment of the army, some of whom barely old enough to have served in the Civil War's ending days, was asked to quell the riot. Half of them fell as well, as it took them far too long to understand that only shots to the brain would stop the ghouls. Some of those who fell in turn attacked their comrades. Of the thirty-two soldiers who volunteered to stop the riot, four survived, and set fire to the bodies to ensure that the "demon within" would never harm another soul.
Then-President Ulysses S. Grant made a secret visit to Chicago after he received word of the incident (the exact date of this visit is unknown). After speaking to officials, Grant ordered that the entire incident be blamed on the fire. Newspapers nationwide would obey this order, and Chicagoans, more willing to believe that than the horrible truth. accepted it as reality as well.
A recently unearthed diary from the national archives notes that Grant believed "the nation must never know, else we end with a war far more horrible" than the one he led the Union into victory of. Interestingly enough, he prophesized the formation of Harvest Team: "Within ten decades, the army shall likely have a force to keep tragedies like Chicago from happening again."
Little did Grant know that it would take an incident whose cover-up was even more astoshining for this to come to pass.
NEXT:
Friday, December 24, 2010
Harvest Team
Harvest Team (Motto: "Forever Vigilant") is America's first, and only, anti-revenant task force. While also the first of it's kind worldwide, there are other similar organizations which also work in secret across the world. These include England (AZO, Anti Zombie Operations), Germany (Nachtzehrer, "Nightwalker"), and Japan (SDF Unit 444, 4 is the Japanese number for death).
Harvest Team was founded in 1941 due to what is known as the "Mabel Incident" of 1940 and the belief that Hitler was creating a secret army of undead somewhere in Germany (which happened to be somewhat true; while no evidence suggests he was successful he did at least attempt to make controllable undead warriors). While the government had known about the undead for decades, these two factors caused urgency for the creation of an anti-revenant fighting force.
Area 51 (officially an experimental aircraft testing facility) was built as their home base, chosen for access to aircraft and proximity to Los Angeles and Las Vegas. There they constantly train in a state-of-the-art gym and combat scenario replication facility (which in recent years has used augmented reality to better simulate battles with the undead). Originally part of US Army, in 2003 Harvest Team was put under the Department of Homeland Security umbrella. All their funding is labeled as classified, and Harvest Team's commanding officer answers only to the President of the United States.
Harvest Team's active combat personnel is only eighteen strong, however they supported by a group of six reserve personnel, twenty former Harvest Team members who oversee combat training, and over two hundred research scientists whose duties range from detecting undead attacks to trying to better understand the nature of revenants. They also have the best mental and medical health institutions in the world, to keep the combatants of sound mind as well as sound body. Psychiatric Evaluation and medical chuck-ups are mandatory every month and after every mission to ensure this.
In addition to state-of-the-art body armor made out of ultra-lightweight memory metal and Kevlar, Harvest Team uses a wide array of weaponry in their war against the undead, some of which no longer used by the conventional military.
Their weapons include:
The loadout of weaponry varies from mission to mission and soldier to soldier, however the shotgun is typically used only for building clearance due to noise, and the HT-1 is almost always used for disposal of destroyed revenants en masse.
The HT-1 Flamethrower is the only incendiary weapon in use by US special forces today. Capable of generating over one thousand degree fires and with enough fuel to last one full hour, it can set any undead on fire within fifteen feet of the operator. However, even with the HT-1 a revenant will not be completely destroyed for at least one minute. For this reason it is almost never used in actual combat but rather to ensure that revenant bodies are completely eradicated after the battle ends.
The HT-5 repeating crossbow is typically used for block-to-block sweeps of rural areas due to it's light weight and absolute silence; even though silenced firearms are quiet as well they still make enough noise that a revenant can hear it from 20 yards out on a clear day. Crossbow bolts are also usually reusable unlike bullets, and loading bolts into a clip by hand takes only thirty seconds on average. Plus, unlike it's gunpowder-based counterparts, it will never jam. The HT-5 retains perfect accuracy for 100 yards.
The Benelli M4 Super 90 is not a standard issue weapon however does see use in US forces outside of Harvest Team. With twelve shots and semi-automatic action, the Super 90 can clear a room of undead in mere seconds. Unfortunately, shotguns are impossible to silence and are only effective at close range, so this take on the archetypal "zombie killer's weapon of choice" is usually used for clearing out buildings.
The M4 Carbine is one of the best assault weapons in use by American forces today. It's light, compact, and can carry 30 rounds in it's clip. Unlike it's sister weapon the M16, the M4's stock can be used as a bludgeon to some success, meaning it also has use when ammunition runs dry. This is the most common primary weapon for Harvest Team operations due to it's versatility.
The M91911A1 handgun is almost as iconic to America as baseball and apple pie, and is the favored sidearm for the US forces and Harvest Team due to it's reliability and stopping power. This is the only firearm carried by all Harvest Team members at all times, however it rarely sees use. Why? Because the only time a Harvest Team member is to use his M9 is to kill an infected. If a Harvest Team member is infected (a rare occurrence), he is expected to use the entire magazine except one bullet to continue to fight the undead. The last bullet, of course, is for the soldier himself.
The M24 Sniper Weapon System is a multi-purpose long-range rifle currently used by the US Army in Iraq and Afghanistan. A modified version of the civilian Remington 700, the M24 has a detachable scope and bipod allowing it to be used as an infantry weapon should the need arise. Capable of braining a ghoul at nearly a mile's distance, the M24 is usually used for scouting and cover fire, however in situations where it's apparent that the town is completely devoid of survivors (and thus no urgency required to enter the town) has been used in siege warfare to safely dispatch the undead.
The HT-2 Tactical Machete, typically used in rural situations where a revenant may have escaped into the wilderness, is a titanium composite version of the hacking tool that is usually used to clear brush out of one's path. Capable both of decapitation and skull penetration, this reliable tool is favored in melee scenarios in open ground.
The HT-3 Tactical Prybar is not so much a weapon as it is a tool for forcing one's way into a house or building. Also made out of titanium composite, it's also sturdy enough to crack a revenant's skull, and the pry end can also get into the brain via the eye socket. However, this is usually only used in building clearance to force open doors and windows.
Last but by no means least, the HT-4 Trench Spike is the great-grandchild of the very first weapon made expressly for Harvest Team, and due to both it's effectiveness and tradition is the only melee weapon that is always carried by every single person in Harvest Team. The spike is held in such regard that it is also the only weapon that is required to be carried by all members of the research and training team as well. It's not uncommon for active soldiers to carry two, one for each hand. Why? Because it's just that good.
Simple in design but lethal in use, the trench spike was invented in World War I as a combination of brass knuckles and a piercing weapon that can punch through and enemy's steel helmet in one go. The spike goes in and out cleanly, and is a killer nearly every single time. It's small size allows it to be used in tight quarters with ease, and will never chip or run out of ammo. When all other options are exhausted... and occasionally when they are not... a Harvest Team soldier will toss his other equipment aside, slip on his trench spike, and get busy taking out the undead. In one incident in Brazil 1957, a Harvest Team member who was bitten in battle found that his pistol jammed on him. With two other comrades with him and no ammunition left, he used his trench spike to kill two hundred ghouls before finally succumbing to the horde. His teammates survived. It's no small wonder why he is the only Harvest Team member to date to have been awarded the Medal of Honor.
While no two operations are the same, all Harvest Team missions have the same objectives, in order of priority:
The second thing that stands out is that secrecy is more important than preventing collateral damage. The horrific truth is, sometimes Harvest Team is ordered to let potential survivors fall victim to the undead... or even kill survivors... to keep the truth behind the incident hidden from the public. Why hide such a dangerous threat to the world from us at this cost? Nobody knows for certain. But it happens.
According to Gellar, these are the best ways to keep yourself from becoming a statistic:
NEXT: The Great Chicago Fire: What Really Happened
Harvest Team was founded in 1941 due to what is known as the "Mabel Incident" of 1940 and the belief that Hitler was creating a secret army of undead somewhere in Germany (which happened to be somewhat true; while no evidence suggests he was successful he did at least attempt to make controllable undead warriors). While the government had known about the undead for decades, these two factors caused urgency for the creation of an anti-revenant fighting force.
Area 51 (officially an experimental aircraft testing facility) was built as their home base, chosen for access to aircraft and proximity to Los Angeles and Las Vegas. There they constantly train in a state-of-the-art gym and combat scenario replication facility (which in recent years has used augmented reality to better simulate battles with the undead). Originally part of US Army, in 2003 Harvest Team was put under the Department of Homeland Security umbrella. All their funding is labeled as classified, and Harvest Team's commanding officer answers only to the President of the United States.
Harvest Team's active combat personnel is only eighteen strong, however they supported by a group of six reserve personnel, twenty former Harvest Team members who oversee combat training, and over two hundred research scientists whose duties range from detecting undead attacks to trying to better understand the nature of revenants. They also have the best mental and medical health institutions in the world, to keep the combatants of sound mind as well as sound body. Psychiatric Evaluation and medical chuck-ups are mandatory every month and after every mission to ensure this.
In addition to state-of-the-art body armor made out of ultra-lightweight memory metal and Kevlar, Harvest Team uses a wide array of weaponry in their war against the undead, some of which no longer used by the conventional military.
Their weapons include:
- HT-1 Flamethrower (Originally the M2 Flamethrower, now a refurbished model designed exclusively for Harvest Team cleanup operations)
- HT-5 Repeating Crossbow (Designed for Harvest Team based off civilian models)
- Benelli M4 Super 90 Shotgun
- M4 Carbine Assault Rifle (Modified single-shot only version, silenced)
- M9 pistol (Silenced) *
- M24 Sniper Weapons System (Silenced)
- HT-2 Tactical Machete
- HT-3 Tactical Prybar
- HT-4 Trench Spike (Titanium version of the Mark 1 Trench Knife used during WWI) *
The loadout of weaponry varies from mission to mission and soldier to soldier, however the shotgun is typically used only for building clearance due to noise, and the HT-1 is almost always used for disposal of destroyed revenants en masse.
The HT-1 Flamethrower is the only incendiary weapon in use by US special forces today. Capable of generating over one thousand degree fires and with enough fuel to last one full hour, it can set any undead on fire within fifteen feet of the operator. However, even with the HT-1 a revenant will not be completely destroyed for at least one minute. For this reason it is almost never used in actual combat but rather to ensure that revenant bodies are completely eradicated after the battle ends.
The HT-5 repeating crossbow is typically used for block-to-block sweeps of rural areas due to it's light weight and absolute silence; even though silenced firearms are quiet as well they still make enough noise that a revenant can hear it from 20 yards out on a clear day. Crossbow bolts are also usually reusable unlike bullets, and loading bolts into a clip by hand takes only thirty seconds on average. Plus, unlike it's gunpowder-based counterparts, it will never jam. The HT-5 retains perfect accuracy for 100 yards.
The Benelli M4 Super 90 is not a standard issue weapon however does see use in US forces outside of Harvest Team. With twelve shots and semi-automatic action, the Super 90 can clear a room of undead in mere seconds. Unfortunately, shotguns are impossible to silence and are only effective at close range, so this take on the archetypal "zombie killer's weapon of choice" is usually used for clearing out buildings.
The M4 Carbine is one of the best assault weapons in use by American forces today. It's light, compact, and can carry 30 rounds in it's clip. Unlike it's sister weapon the M16, the M4's stock can be used as a bludgeon to some success, meaning it also has use when ammunition runs dry. This is the most common primary weapon for Harvest Team operations due to it's versatility.
The M91911A1 handgun is almost as iconic to America as baseball and apple pie, and is the favored sidearm for the US forces and Harvest Team due to it's reliability and stopping power. This is the only firearm carried by all Harvest Team members at all times, however it rarely sees use. Why? Because the only time a Harvest Team member is to use his M9 is to kill an infected. If a Harvest Team member is infected (a rare occurrence), he is expected to use the entire magazine except one bullet to continue to fight the undead. The last bullet, of course, is for the soldier himself.
The M24 Sniper Weapon System is a multi-purpose long-range rifle currently used by the US Army in Iraq and Afghanistan. A modified version of the civilian Remington 700, the M24 has a detachable scope and bipod allowing it to be used as an infantry weapon should the need arise. Capable of braining a ghoul at nearly a mile's distance, the M24 is usually used for scouting and cover fire, however in situations where it's apparent that the town is completely devoid of survivors (and thus no urgency required to enter the town) has been used in siege warfare to safely dispatch the undead.
The HT-2 Tactical Machete, typically used in rural situations where a revenant may have escaped into the wilderness, is a titanium composite version of the hacking tool that is usually used to clear brush out of one's path. Capable both of decapitation and skull penetration, this reliable tool is favored in melee scenarios in open ground.
The HT-3 Tactical Prybar is not so much a weapon as it is a tool for forcing one's way into a house or building. Also made out of titanium composite, it's also sturdy enough to crack a revenant's skull, and the pry end can also get into the brain via the eye socket. However, this is usually only used in building clearance to force open doors and windows.
Last but by no means least, the HT-4 Trench Spike is the great-grandchild of the very first weapon made expressly for Harvest Team, and due to both it's effectiveness and tradition is the only melee weapon that is always carried by every single person in Harvest Team. The spike is held in such regard that it is also the only weapon that is required to be carried by all members of the research and training team as well. It's not uncommon for active soldiers to carry two, one for each hand. Why? Because it's just that good.
Simple in design but lethal in use, the trench spike was invented in World War I as a combination of brass knuckles and a piercing weapon that can punch through and enemy's steel helmet in one go. The spike goes in and out cleanly, and is a killer nearly every single time. It's small size allows it to be used in tight quarters with ease, and will never chip or run out of ammo. When all other options are exhausted... and occasionally when they are not... a Harvest Team soldier will toss his other equipment aside, slip on his trench spike, and get busy taking out the undead. In one incident in Brazil 1957, a Harvest Team member who was bitten in battle found that his pistol jammed on him. With two other comrades with him and no ammunition left, he used his trench spike to kill two hundred ghouls before finally succumbing to the horde. His teammates survived. It's no small wonder why he is the only Harvest Team member to date to have been awarded the Medal of Honor.
While no two operations are the same, all Harvest Team missions have the same objectives, in order of priority:
- Kill or capture all revenants in the area
- Dispatch of all infected
- Maintain secrecy of the incident
- Rescue as many survivors as possible
The second thing that stands out is that secrecy is more important than preventing collateral damage. The horrific truth is, sometimes Harvest Team is ordered to let potential survivors fall victim to the undead... or even kill survivors... to keep the truth behind the incident hidden from the public. Why hide such a dangerous threat to the world from us at this cost? Nobody knows for certain. But it happens.
According to Gellar, these are the best ways to keep yourself from becoming a statistic:
- COOPERATE: If they tell you to do something, do it. Don't ask why, don't complain. Just go with it.
- DO NOT MENTION THE WORD ZOMBIE: Don't make them even think you believe in the undead.
- BE TERRIFIED: It's hard not to be when the undead come to your town, but those who seem like they just want the nightmare to end are more likely to walk away with their lives then those who seem unaffected by what happened.
- YOU REMEMBER NOTHING: They will inevitably ask you to say this over and over. Go with it. Don't contradict them, don't argue. You remember nothing.
NEXT: The Great Chicago Fire: What Really Happened
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Undead 101 Part Four: Glossary and Reccomended Media
The following is a glossary of terms used both formally and informally by Harvest Team members, as well as other lingo one might find in the scope of this blog.
Remember, however, that television, movies, and most books (with the exception of a few survival guides) are FICTION. Use common sense before trying something you saw in a movie once, or disaster may befall you and your fellow survivors!
NEXT: Harvest Team detailed to the public for the first time ever.
- BOO: short for Base of Operations; temporary command outpost for a long-term mission.
- Barbecue: Burning corpses, also use of a flamethrower or similar weapon.
- Barrellfish: A zombie unable to move due to amputation or being restrained.
- Biter(s): Revenant
- Boomstick: Any shotgun
- Brain: The act of killing a revenant/turning human with a direct attack to the brain.
- Brain Spike: Trench spike
- Dead Man's Party: Any large area believed to be/confirmed to be populated entirely by revenants.
- Evac: Evacuation
- Eyes and Ears (also E&E): Pay attention to your surroundings; also surveillance team
- Hostile: Enemy combatant
- Leftovers: Partially eaten human remains
- Liberation: Work on foreign ground, usually unauthorized.
- Lunch: Human or humans killed by a feeding revenant.
- MedEvac: Medical Evacuation, used for anyone injured by any means other than a revenant bite.
- Noncombatant: Any non-hostile uninfected civilian
- Pest Control: Clearing a room/building of revenants
- PsyEval: Psychiatric Evaluation
- RTB: Return to Base
- Snack (also Snacked On): Still-living human bitten by a revenant
- Ted Nugent Special: Crossbow
- Tortoise and Hare: A human who tries/tried to flee revenants with a quick sprint, tiring himself out in the process.
- Watching The Clock: Formation of three or four people standing with their backs to each other to prevent being blindsided.
Remember, however, that television, movies, and most books (with the exception of a few survival guides) are FICTION. Use common sense before trying something you saw in a movie once, or disaster may befall you and your fellow survivors!
- Book: The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks
- Book: The Zombie Combat Manual by Roger Ma
- Book: Zompoc: How to Survive A Zombie Apocolypse
NEXT: Harvest Team detailed to the public for the first time ever.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Undead 101 Part Three: Ghoul Indentification
This post pertains to safe and humane identification and disposing of ghouls and soon-to-be ghouls. While the official Harvest Team protocol varies from this (more on that another time), this is what an ordinary civilian should do in case they believe someone in their area may be either a revenant or has been bitten.
Ways to tell a revenant from an ordinary human include (but are not limited to):
Now, if someone you know may have been bitten, here are the immediate signs:
Remember: Euthanasia is illegal. Don't kill the victim yourself. At any rate, unless you destroy the brain, reanimation will still occur.
Unfortunately, hospitals are not the answer either. Cremation can take days to occur even if expedited with a living will.
Therefore, you have two options.
One, tell the victim of what will happen, and leave them in the room with a gun and a single bullet. It's sad, and a little cruel, but suicide is the only way to keep the victim's loved ones completely safe from prosecution by the state or worse, being possible victims themselves.
If suicide isn't an option, disposal of the body is a very difficult as the human body is difficult to completely and utterly destroy. People have tried for years to find a 100% foolproof means of body disposal. Only one thing on Earth can leave a body impossible to identify one hundred percent of the time: A woodchipper. Unfortunately this author cannot in good conscience give a step-by-step method of disposal via woodchipper, in case a less than noble murderer tries to use it for his own misdeeds.
Naturally, if society does break down or martial law is declared, one can remove all worry of legal repercussions. Should such a scenario occur during a ghoul infestation, care must be given not to the corpse being unseen but safely eradicated. In such a case, a funeral pyre is the best scenario, preferable done in a pit to prevent such a fire from being seen by other ghouls.
Furthermore, should an infestation occur, one should always wear the following whenever possible:
Recommended defensive weaponry (in order from preference, based on effectiveness, reliability, durability, noise, weight, and civilian accessibility):
Ranged: Crossbows, Bolt- or Lever- Action Rifles, Pump-Action Shotguns, Handguns, Revolvers
Melee: Machete, Crowbar, Wooden baseball bat, Lead pipe, Rebar
NEXT: Glossary/Common Ghoul lingo and recommended reading/viewing.
Ways to tell a revenant from an ordinary human include (but are not limited to):
- Erratic shambling walk
- Noticeable limp
- Discolored skin and hair (from partial decomposition before turning)
- Head tilted to the side (not always, but usually at a degree between 20-45 degrees)
- Little to no arm movement during stride
- Tendency to overreact over everyday sounds/sights (such as a car passing by)
- Torn clothing
- Noticeable open wounds on the exposed areas that are NOT bleeding, likely including at least one bite wound.
- Notify the police of suspicious behavior
- Call all the neighbors whose phone numbers you know and warn them of the impending danger
- Collect a weapon and if you are not already wearing a long-sleeved shirt or jacket, full-length pants, shoes and gloves, put those on as well.
- Try to get the persons attention. Ask them to either say your name (if they know you that well) or simply if they are alright. A ghoul will not answer verbally or give any motion for help. They will let loose a moanlike scream and come at you with arms parallel to the ground.
Now, if someone you know may have been bitten, here are the immediate signs:
- Sharp, unexplained fever of 100-106 degrees Fahrenheit
- Dehydration
- Loss of appetite/thirst
- Dementia/hallucinations (these are too varied to diagnose by the nature of the hallucination alone)
- Dizziness
- Human-like in shape and pattern
- Discolored (early stages blue, later stages black)
- No bleeding, but no signs of scabbing (Ghoul bites coagulate almost immediately but do not heal)
- No pain whatsoever if you press down on it (WARNING: Do NOT touch the wound without surgical gloves!)
Remember: Euthanasia is illegal. Don't kill the victim yourself. At any rate, unless you destroy the brain, reanimation will still occur.
Unfortunately, hospitals are not the answer either. Cremation can take days to occur even if expedited with a living will.
Therefore, you have two options.
One, tell the victim of what will happen, and leave them in the room with a gun and a single bullet. It's sad, and a little cruel, but suicide is the only way to keep the victim's loved ones completely safe from prosecution by the state or worse, being possible victims themselves.
If suicide isn't an option, disposal of the body is a very difficult as the human body is difficult to completely and utterly destroy. People have tried for years to find a 100% foolproof means of body disposal. Only one thing on Earth can leave a body impossible to identify one hundred percent of the time: A woodchipper. Unfortunately this author cannot in good conscience give a step-by-step method of disposal via woodchipper, in case a less than noble murderer tries to use it for his own misdeeds.
Naturally, if society does break down or martial law is declared, one can remove all worry of legal repercussions. Should such a scenario occur during a ghoul infestation, care must be given not to the corpse being unseen but safely eradicated. In such a case, a funeral pyre is the best scenario, preferable done in a pit to prevent such a fire from being seen by other ghouls.
Furthermore, should an infestation occur, one should always wear the following whenever possible:
- Denim pants
- Wool socks
- Iron-toe boots, preferably leather
- Hooded sweatshirt, preferably pre-shrunk cotton, OR a jacket, preferably leather with a long-sleeved shirt underneath
- Gloves, preferably leather
Recommended defensive weaponry (in order from preference, based on effectiveness, reliability, durability, noise, weight, and civilian accessibility):
Ranged: Crossbows, Bolt- or Lever- Action Rifles, Pump-Action Shotguns, Handguns, Revolvers
Melee: Machete, Crowbar, Wooden baseball bat, Lead pipe, Rebar
NEXT: Glossary/Common Ghoul lingo and recommended reading/viewing.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Undead 101 Part Two: Fact or Myth
As alluded to in my last post, this post will be dedicated to separating the facts about ghouls from the myths.
NEXT: So you think your neighbor is a zombie...
- Revanants only eat brains. MYTH. They eat flesh, regardless of whether it is your brain or your any other part of your body.
- Revanants prefer human flesh. FACT. It's not exactly known why, it could be a simple matter of taste. The condition of the human has never been proven to be a factor, nor the condition of any nearby animal; given the choice between an ailing 80-year-old human and a two-year-old champion racehorse, the ghoul will always choose the human. Which is not to say the revanant will completely ignore the horse if the human is absent. Revanants will also go after ailing humans and healthy ones with no prejudice either.
- If you are bitten by a ghoul, you are doomed to become one. FACT. While the cause is unknown, there has never been a recorded case of a human being bitten without turning.
- Revanants fear fire. MYTH. They fear nothing and feel no pain or heat. Which is the primary reason that incendiary weapons such as flamethrowers and Molotov cocktails are to be used in very specific combat situations and for cleanup only; while a revanant will eventually be destroyed by fire, it can take a long time for it to happen. Long enough that one would have to deal with burning ghouls.
- Revanants are slow, plodding, clumsy creatures. FACT. There has never been a recorded case of a ghoul running, jumping, or swimming. Even climbing a ladder designed for small children is a difficult task for the undead; rock walls, rope climbs, even steep enough hills are all but impossible. The fastest recorded ghoul movement was 2.1 miles an hour, and that ghoul happened to be seven feet tall.
- Revanants can be killed by decapitation. MYTH. Only destruction of the brain will completely kill a ghoul. Which is not to say decapitation is futile, as the body from the neck down will now be a motionless corpse. However the neck will still bite and gnash at any flesh that gets close to it. This is extremely important to remember as people can and have been turned by decapitated ghouls!
- Revanants don't breathe, pump blood in their veins, sleep, or depend on food, water, and sleep. FACT. All things that keep the human engine alive do not function with the undead. Why they hunger for flesh despite not needing any is a subject long debated by researchers.
- Revanants get 'full' of flesh after a while and become harmless. MYTH. In one documented case, a ghoul that was captured for experimentation was given an entire horse to feed on. Eventually the stomach of the ghoul ruptured and burst... but the ghoul kept on feeding until the horse was picked clean.
- Sunlight kills ghouls. MYTH. If it were that easy to kill them, all one would have to do is wait them out for a few hours!
- Ghouls instinctively hunt down their loved ones first. MYTH. It is true that 70% of ghouls attack someone they knew in their past life first. This is only by happenstance, as the ghoul merely goes after what it first encounters indiscriminately. Ghouls have never shown even a shred of long-term or short-term memory.
- Ghouls will sometimes pick up a brick or rock to smash through a window. MYTH. Ghouls have sub-infant reasoning, logic, and intelligence. Never has a ghoul used a weapon, opened a door with the doorknob/handle, unfastened a seat belt, yanked a chain until it broke, or anything of the sort. In one case, a ghoul's mouth was duct taped shut and placed in a room with a horse. The ghoul tried to bite the horse in vain, over and over, never realizing that there was something keeping it from opening it's mouth.
NEXT: So you think your neighbor is a zombie...
Monday, December 20, 2010
Undead 101 Part One
Before we go into detail about the walking dead, some clarification needs to be made. While we all typically associate the word "zombie" with reanimated corpses that hunger for brains, the origin of the word comes from the religion of voudoun. A form of black magic, known as hoodoo, has several purported abilities over the mind and body of victims, including what is known as "zombie powder". This concoction of poisons mixed with bones brings the victim into a near-death state, shutting down most of the brain's consious activity and turning them into mindless pawns that will do the bidding of the first person it comes into contact with.
The problem with using the term "zombie" for both these hapless souls and the undead can cause a lot of confusion and possibly end in needless death. There are several difference between the two, but the key factors that need to be kept in mind are that hoodoo zombies are still living people, and moreover that there are (albeit only a handful) cases of a hoodoo zombie being cured. Whereas what most people refer to as zombies are for all intents and purposes biologically dead, and only destruction of the brain can 'cure' such a zombie. So for the purposes of this blog, the term "zombie" will not be used for the undead as it is in effect a misnomer.
So what to call them then? "Ghoul" is a workable substitute; the term comes from Arabic folklore, and fits what we are dealing with: undead creatures who feast on human flesh. The government's official name for them is "Revanants", which is a folkloric catch-all for all of the mythical undead, which also fits our needs.
Moreover, revanants are NOT to be confused with vampires. Vampires fall into one of two categories: People with a psychological fixation with consuming blood (animal or human), and phantasms that feed off the life energy of humans (parapsychologists are divided on their existence, for more on this phenomenon I reccommend the book Vampires: An Occult Truth by Konstantinos which also goes into the other kind of vampire as well as creatures of folklore)
Now, thanks largely to movies, television shows, and other forms of fiction as well as folklore, there are some myths that need to be dispelled. For organizational means, these will be discussed in detail in the next upcoming post.
One thing that should be pointed out is that, while ghouls ARE a serious threat to all humanity, the origin of their being is unknown (though believed to be a viral disease). According to Gellar DHS researchers have concluded that an extinction-level infestation has a one in eight thousand chance of ever occurring, and such an infestation would take no less than seventy-eight days to spread into a global epidemic.
This doesn't mean that you're safe, however. A rural city can (and have been) completely infested overnight spawning all from one man who was bitten by a ghoul and didn't know it until it was far too late. If left unchecked, even a small infestation can overrun the entire city of New York in a week. The first person to encounter what is known as the "Alpha Revanant" (the government codeword for the first victim in the infestation) is either killed or turned 97% of the time. Only the armed, alert have any hope of survival in the initial encounter without a massive amount of good luck.
NEXT: Facts and Myths about the undead.
The problem with using the term "zombie" for both these hapless souls and the undead can cause a lot of confusion and possibly end in needless death. There are several difference between the two, but the key factors that need to be kept in mind are that hoodoo zombies are still living people, and moreover that there are (albeit only a handful) cases of a hoodoo zombie being cured. Whereas what most people refer to as zombies are for all intents and purposes biologically dead, and only destruction of the brain can 'cure' such a zombie. So for the purposes of this blog, the term "zombie" will not be used for the undead as it is in effect a misnomer.
So what to call them then? "Ghoul" is a workable substitute; the term comes from Arabic folklore, and fits what we are dealing with: undead creatures who feast on human flesh. The government's official name for them is "Revanants", which is a folkloric catch-all for all of the mythical undead, which also fits our needs.
Moreover, revanants are NOT to be confused with vampires. Vampires fall into one of two categories: People with a psychological fixation with consuming blood (animal or human), and phantasms that feed off the life energy of humans (parapsychologists are divided on their existence, for more on this phenomenon I reccommend the book Vampires: An Occult Truth by Konstantinos which also goes into the other kind of vampire as well as creatures of folklore)
Now, thanks largely to movies, television shows, and other forms of fiction as well as folklore, there are some myths that need to be dispelled. For organizational means, these will be discussed in detail in the next upcoming post.
One thing that should be pointed out is that, while ghouls ARE a serious threat to all humanity, the origin of their being is unknown (though believed to be a viral disease). According to Gellar DHS researchers have concluded that an extinction-level infestation has a one in eight thousand chance of ever occurring, and such an infestation would take no less than seventy-eight days to spread into a global epidemic.
This doesn't mean that you're safe, however. A rural city can (and have been) completely infested overnight spawning all from one man who was bitten by a ghoul and didn't know it until it was far too late. If left unchecked, even a small infestation can overrun the entire city of New York in a week. The first person to encounter what is known as the "Alpha Revanant" (the government codeword for the first victim in the infestation) is either killed or turned 97% of the time. Only the armed, alert have any hope of survival in the initial encounter without a massive amount of good luck.
NEXT: Facts and Myths about the undead.
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